DOOM : SUX : A LOT

Currently listening to “Goodbye and Godspeed” from “Deep Impact OST”
Currently mourning over the wasted RM6 bucks

OMG! DOOM the movie SUCKS A LOT. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.. IT TOTALLY SUCKED! Here’s my ultimate review. Be prepared. If you haven’t watch it – read this. I’m trying to save you RM8 bucks…

DOOM Storyline:

UAC has 2 research centres on Mars’ moon – Phobos and Deimos. To travel between two moons is very costly and expensive. So, they started a teleportation research. Of course, shit happens and they accidentally opened a gate to hell. Hell creatures step into our world and… blood bath starts. So, the player as a ‘very lucky’ marine trying to escape the catastrophic event. So, at the end of Episode 2 of the game, you’re trying to escape using the teleporter. Heh, right. You accidentally got transported to hell.

DOOM 3 Storyline:

UAC founded some ancient stuff on Mars and started a digsite there. Later, the station became larger, larger and larger. They do on archeological , medical and weaponry researches there. They found out that the ancients are trying to develop a teleportation device. Months later, weird stuffs happens. Workers are demoralized, scared to do work and suspecting something not normal is going on. Then, you came as an extra security marine… since lotsa people left Mars. Moments are you arrive… HELL BREAKS LOOSE. One scientist suspects that the teleportation device has some connection with hell. Hell creature step into our world and… SUPER blood bath starts. So, the player as a ‘SUPER very lucky’ marine is trying to survive. He had to run back to the main base, kill some hellish creatures, get surprised by some surprise-happy creatures, push some buttons, stare at some huge screens, protect some guy that will die after you finish the ‘protect-this-guy’ mission, bla bla bla bla… In the end, you have to go to hell to shut down the gate.

DOOM the Movie Storyline:

UAC scientist found an ancient artifact – a teleportation device which now they call it the Ark. Bleh. It’s a mercury liquid like state which suck stuffs, transports the stuff’s particle to Mars, which makes people puke. So, the movie starts with the station is already in a ‘HELL BREAKS LOOSE’ mode. UAC requests some backup from Earth and the backup goes to Mars with the Ark. Then, they talk. Go around hunting some hidden stuffs. Nothing happens. Talk again. Hunt some. Talk a lot again. Then, more talk. OMG. They talk a lot. To cut things short, here the main storyline:

They found out some of the ancient corpses have 24 cromosomes ( normal human only have 23 ). So, Dr. Carmack ( WTF? Carmack? ) ilegal run some evil tests on humans. He jap in the extra cromosome (which is totally impossible directly ) into his test subject and shit happens. Test subject turn into a monster, monster runs wild, killing people, infecting people and so on. Infected people also turns into monster and start infecting other. OMG! What’s THIS? Yep, a RESIDENT EVIL rip off. They didn’t even visit hell.

My DOOM Storyline:

Kill Anything On Screen

LOOK! THE STORYLINE IS TOTALLY CRAP! THE AUWFULLY BULLSHIT! IT’S GAWD DAMN SHITTIER THAN THE GAMES.

The actors sucks. You can find more foul and vulgar words in my blog. They’re SOLDIER GAWD DAMMIT. Soldiers should be good at cursing stuffs. FUCK. Everything that they said is too cheesy. TOO cheesy. The acting sucks too. “If it breathes.. KILL IT”. Lucky they didn’t kill each other. What kind of a command is that?

They talk a lot in the movie. Yep. Less action, talk a lot. They even have a “Mommy NOOOO!!!” flashback ( Heh.. copied that from arstechnica.com ). DOOM supposed to have lotsa action because in the game, storyline is almost non-exist ( you can find the storyline in the original copy game booklet ).

Then action sucks too. You will see them shooting at “there-was-something-there” a lot. Oh ya, you’ll see the BFG ( called Bio Force Gun.. not Big Fucking Gun as is should be )in action too. BFG will blew layers and layers and layers of hole in the wall. In other word.. BIG HOLE. Lucky they didn’t “bocor” the Mars station and suffocate everyone. For the chainsaw lovers, the chainsaw appears in the movie and it’s not as powerful in the game. They still didn’t explain why there’s a chainsaw in a hightech station on a treeless planet.

About the monsters. Rarely see them. It’s too dark and in the future, they dun have super bright torchlights like my grandfather have one. Heh. Only towards the end, you will see them clearly. Heh, typical style. The monsters are of course gooey and ugly.

The director thinks it’s kewl to use some of the original DOOM game programmers name. John Carmack is the head of id Software and now when you say the ‘Carmack’ name now, automatically my brain will imagine a creepy old bloody scientist. I felt a bit cocky when they use the name Carmack in the movie. Urgh. It’s not kewl at all. All the victims are id Software crews.

About the FPS thingy, lucky I’m far away from the screen. If not, I’ve already shampooed the people in front of me with my puke. It’s booooorrriiinnngg.. I dun think people will go “WOO YEAH!!!” over it like they’re watching people playing counter-strike. It’s not even scary. But, it’s a new concept so I kinda like it.

The music sucks too. All the rock musics are totally rubbish rock musics. I bet I can produce a better ‘noise’ with Carl’s electric guitar. I wonder who composed the soundtrack.

You know what they should do? Keep the original storyline and 90% action. War movies have this shit a lot. It would have been better. Non-stop shooting bloodbath. It’s pointless. The game itself is just shoot em up everything in your screen.

I saw a lot of people leaving the cinema half-way ( first time seeing this ). Bet it’s too sucky for them. Hmph. They came late, blocks my view. They leave early, again blocks my view. I can’t believe I shouted “DUDUK LAR!!” at them. Next time.. be early. I really hate it they block trailers. I dun mind if they block the pointless retared stupid Guinness advertisement.

The bottomline is: DOOM the movie SUX. No wonder rotten tomatoes gave the 20% only.

PS: The Rock dies… Makes me happy a bit…