Closing My Eyes

Currently listening to nothing
Currently mentally troubled

Lost?

Have you ever experience a moment where you want to cry hard for reasons that you don’t know of. The feeling of just crying out loud… just cry.

I’m… at that moment now.

I cried. I cried hard.

After several fail attempts to make a phone call, I cried. I was inside my car, parked outside of my house. I felt so frustrated that I just want to cry. Moments before, I felt like I have less problems to worry about and but more came screaming to my face. I cried hard.

Deep inside me, I’m screaming “why”? “Why all these have to happen to me?” “Why now?”. Moments like these makes me feel inferior to anyone else. Makes me feel that my best weren’t good enough. Make me feel like… I just want to disappear. Makes me feel like I wanna close my eye and never wake up again.

I was put into a hard situation many times where I face so many difficult choices to be made in life. Crying… makes does make me feel better now.

There come moments where you actually wanted to be comforted by someone while going through rough times, but instead you shot in the back… leaving you feeling like you’re all alone. In some situation, you might need to swallow whatever you receive and do what you were hoping for to someone else instead of getting it from someone else.

My sleeping times has become irregular. Having hard time sleeping, although I’m lying down on a comfortable bed with warm blanket in a cold air-conditioned room. After I manage to force myself to sleep, I’ll have problem waking up, refuse to be in the real world.

Maybe.. I’m not worthy at all.

… maybe, it’s not a “maybe” at all.

PS: Look before you leap, I guess?